


nothing’s like before

by khuyen (y2kromantic)



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Soen no Kiseki/Akatsuki no Megami | Fire Emblem Path of Radiance/Radiant Dawn
Genre: Angst, Character Study, F/M, Mild Blood, Unrequited Love, i read on the wiki that shinon had a thing for titania in por and went with it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:14:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23555911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/y2kromantic/pseuds/khuyen
Summary: Titania had a fancy for someone, Shinon noticed.He didn’t pry—he couldn’t give any less of a shit, frankly. But still, even he wonders who it might be.
Relationships: Shinon/Tiamat | Titania
Kudos: 12





	nothing’s like before

**Author's Note:**

> this was in my drafts since november. gotta publish it i guess lol.
> 
> this fic takes place around five years before the events of path of radiance- so shinon’s around 22. just a thing to know.

Titania had a fancy for someone, Shinon noticed.

It was the longing looks she displayed on the battlefield when she thought no one was looking, the grip on her axe tightening while she stared at—well, somebody. The way she’d nervously chuckle whenever Mist asked anything about as innocent as a ‘boyfriend’ (not that Shinon was sitting in nearby, listening). That soft, melancholic smile she’d give whenever she reached out her hand to ruffle up Ike’s already unkempt hair.

Maybe she wanted a kid for Ashera knows why. Maybe with that someone she always seemed to long for. Hell if Shinon knew. His eyes saw observations, not all this gross, mushy feelings bullshit.

He grits his teeth as he harshly filed down the rough arch of his latest bow, the flames of a candle shedding light onto the cloud of dust and the sandy wood chips piling up even more on his desk. Dipping his fingers into the melted beeswax, he oiled up the wood grain surface, not giving a damn about how some of the sharp, jagged parts of the bow prickled his palm.

It was not his job to go around sticking his nose into other people’s businesses. Shinon knew that. In fact, he made a point to stray away from anyone’s personal life stories and shit.

Yet, there was something about the way Titania tried to shed all of the attention away from her. To belittle the acts of her overbearing kindness that would leave a bad taste in Shinon’s mouth if it were anyone else. And, of course, his mind couldn’t shake off the image of that sad, sad gaze hidden behind those hazy green eyes.

-

_It kind of brought Shinon back. He was only nineteen, and yet, it felt like he’d already ruined his whole life at the time. Plopping his ass down on a bar stool, downing shot after shot of heavy, bitter whiskey as he drank his worthless life away._

_He was way too drunk and Way too gone to notice that scarlet-haired woman pull up a chair right next to his._

_“Don’t you think you’ve had enough to drink?”_

_Nineteen-year-old Shinon merely laughed as he poured some more whiskey into his shot glass. “Why do you care?”_

_Titania looked displeased by his answer, but continued, “You’re a member of the Greil Mercenaries. Surely, it wouldn’t be ideal to wake up the next day too hungover to train or prepare for any upcoming missions.”_

_Strict. Too much of a strait-laced goody two shoes. That was Shinon’s impression of her when he first laid eyes upon the second-in-command of this rag-tag mercenary group a few weeks ago. So, as he expected, it didn’t take her long to be on his ass about his unhealthy coping habits._

_“Like I give a fuck. I’ll be fine,” He reassured her, his words slurred and borderline incohesive as he lifted the glass to his mouth._

_A gloved hand bound firmly around his wrist, gently coercing the shot of whiskey in his hand to lay flat down onto the counter._

_“I think that’s enough drinking for today,” Titania spoke sternly._

_Besides all that, Shinon didn’t remember much about that night. He definitely kicked and whined like the drunken embarrassment that he was. There was no point in hiding it, everyone was an unbearable mess whenever they’re completely lost in alcohol._

_But in the deepest, vaguest parts of his memory, he recalled the feeling of being dragged across the stony grey path of the streets, his weak arms slung around Titania’s neck and his legs trailing behind her’s._

_Warm._

_He felt warm._

_Maybe it was the alcohol speaking, but he never forgot that night when he threw up beside some lamp post. That night when this poor superior commander of his soothingly rubbed circles against his back like he was four again, and insisted he drank some water from her own canteen._

_“Why do you care?” Shinon asked her again._

_He searched deep into those same hazy, green eyes, and watched as her lips curved into a small smile. “Well… We wouldn’t want you to get hurt, right?”_

_For once, someone actually believed he mattered._

-

Tch. Drops of blood stained the surface of his bow a dark crimson, the wood soaking up the red like a sponge.

Shinon laid the bow down onto his desk and held the edge of his hand up to the fire of a candle. A trail of blood ran down his arm, slowly dripping onto the table as a minuscule, damned sliver of wood lodged itself into the side of his palm.

Shinon swore, his other hand digging through the blood to grab ahold of that splinter. He ignored the sharp pain that stung his hand before yanking it out entirely. More blood gushed out of his palm, and Shinon shuffled around his drawer of belongings for a scrap piece of fabric. He wrapped a random handkerchief around his hand, but even then, that didn’t stop the bleeding.

Shinon held in his breath. Why did all these kinds of things decide to happen to him at night? Curse him. Curse the Goddess. Curse the continent and curse this fucking world. And while he was at it, curse Gatrie, too, who left him all alone in that bar three years ago only to get all his gold stolen by some money-hungry bitches.

Shinon sat up from his seat and lifted the candle up from his desk. It was nearly midnight, and there was no way he could walk through their camp in this darkness without stumbling over a stupid crate or the goddamn practice axes from one of Oscar’s kid brothers.

With careless, heavy steps (as if he’d care if anybody woke up), he stumbled out of his bedroom. Even with the candle in his good hand, its small flames couldn’t illuminate the rest of this dark hallway. It’s not even bright enough for him to see the aged wooden floors.

Shinon took a few steps forward, cautiously avoiding any outlines of a box or a pointed lance. Maybe it’s time to complain to Greil about installing more lights in the corridors.

He knew he almost made it out of the hallways once the dark blue skies came into view, and the cool, fresh air began nipping at his skin. He could clearly see how red the handkerchief was now, how soaked and drenched it was in his own blood. It would’ve been a frightening sight if it weren’t for the fact that he’s seen more blood in his days, whether he’d liked it or not.

The infirmary was just nearby, right where he could singe himself with vulneries and cotton balls that could tear apart in a single wipe. He trudged on, the creaks of the floorboards catching his every step.

The air left in his lungs as he suddenly stopped in his tracks.

Whispers.

He stayed hidden behind the wall, careful not to reveal himself to people right around the corner. Were they intruders? Spies? Or did Rolf wake himself up again?

Shinon closed his eyes and slowed his breathing.

“Greil,” It was her voice. Titania’s voice. He’d know it from anywhere. “You don’t mean that,”

“Titania, if I were to be gone one day—you’d look after Ike and Mist, won’t you?” Greil had said in his familiar, warm tone.

“You don’t mean that,” Titania had repeated, more speechless once he had admitted it aloud.

“War is an unfortunate thing, and it’s inevitable for mercenaries like us. I’m afraid my luck can’t run its course forever,” Greil hummed, the shuffling of his heavy boots sounding against the wooden grounds.

“I refuse to believe that it will ever come to that,” She said softly, more vulnerable and _different_ than Shinon has ever heard her during his time in the company. “You’re never gone,”

Greil chuckled, startling Shinon amidst the whispers, and possibly even Titania as well. The genuine fondness and heartiness in Greil’s laughs felt even if he couldn’t see them. “It’s times like these you remind me so much of her.”

_Her?_

“I—I do?” She faltered, an edge of shock and surprise in her words. “I never realised…”

Shinon knew he could get caught, that if he was even one bit reckless, Titania and the commander could see him- chew him out (or at least Titania would). But he took the risk, and peeked around the corner.

From there, the commander’s sturdy back blocked out what else he could see of Titania’s torso or her nightgown (or whatever counts as night clothes for her). But Titania’s flushed face was perfect in his line of sight, light pink behind the shadows of the moonlight, maybe a gentle finger fidgeting with her crimson braids.

Never had he seen their second-in-command like this. The one who kept Ike and Mist safe from the dangers of mercenary life. The one who made sure Gatrie wasn’t bothering the maidens of monasteries or taverns. The one who made sure he wasn’t shit-faced in cheap beer and hard whiskey. _Titania._

Oh.

“It’s getting quite late, Titania. I suggest that you get some rest,” Greil had likely smiled, placing a comforting hand over one of Titania’s shoulders. “That we both get some rest,”

“Yes- of course,” She said affirmatively, slightly bowing her head in understanding.

Shinon’s begrudging feelings of envy began bubbling to the surface, his eyebrows furrowed as the sound of footsteps echoed across the platform.

When Titania and Greil had returned to their respective rooms, he warily headed towards the infirmary room, stopping slightly in front of the double doors. He momentarily held the candle in his bandaged hand, the other grasping one of the brass doorknobs. He turned it, opening it as quietly as he could.

He didn’t know why he did. It wasn’t like anyone could care less. His two comrades had most likely gone off to bed already, locked away in their rooms for the night.

Shinon doesn’t know what to feel. Why he was feeling like his heart was stuck in his throat. Why he wanted so much to rip it out and throw it into a nearby lake. Why he was feeling this way.

He rushed to the sink, tearing off the bloody handkerchief and rinsing it underneath the frigid, cold water. While he was at it, he cupped his hands to catch a pool of water- only to splash it onto his face.

Fuck.

Fuck.

_Fuck._

Titania loved Greil, Shinon noticed.

**Author's Note:**

> shinon’s an interesting character, so i just really wanted to explore him a bit more. it’s briefly mentioned how he had worried over titania in her and rhys’ support in por, so i jumped at the opportunity to write something about why. added in some headcanons and backstory yea.
> 
> thx for reading!! if anyone even cares abt this rarepair lmao. xoxo stay healthy like my 2 ppl!!


End file.
